We all know that praise is important for children. But how we praise them makes a big difference in building their confidence and resilience. As a parent or foster carer, the words you choose can have a powerful impact. Here's how to make praise really count.
The Problem with Generic Praise
It's easy to just say "Good job!" or "You're so smart!" But generic praise doesn't provide any details about what the child did well. This type of praise may give them a temporary confidence boost. However, it doesn't highlight their specific strengths. Over time, children may become unsure of what exactly they're being praised for.
Additionally, praising innate traits like intelligence can backfire. If children are used to hearing "You're so smart!", they may become afraid to take on challenges. Failure may cause them to question their abilities. The right kind of praise focuses on effort and strategies, not fixed traits.
Praise the Process, Not Just the Outcome
The most empowering praise focuses on the child's process and hard work. For example, "I'm proud of you for practicing that song so many times. Your effort really shows!" This lets them know their work ethic is valued. Process-focused praise encourages them to apply similar strategies to other challenges.
You can also praise good decision-making, problem-solving, concentration, persistence, and other positive behaviours. Be specific about what they did well. “You chose such vibrant colours for your painting” is better than a generic “Beautiful job!”
Praise Progress and Improvement
Notice and comment when you see progress. Growth and effort should be appreciated, even if the end result isn't perfect.
"Your tennis serves are getting better each day with all that practice!" highlights improvement. This motivates children to continue working hard. If a child is struggling in a certain area, praise any small wins. This keeps them from getting discouraged.
Use Praise to Encourage Desired Behaviours
Thoughtful praise can reinforce positive behaviours you want to see more of. Does your child share well? Help others? Try new things? Find opportunities to praise those behaviours specifically.
“I love how you invited the new pupil to sit with you at lunch. That was so kind and inclusive of you!” gives clear feedback about socially appropriate behaviour.
Your words can motivate children to repeat actions that are praised. But be sure the praise is sincere, not given too freely.
The Power of "Yet" and Growth Mindset Praise
Some praise can send the message that abilities are fixed. Saying “You’re not good at maths” implies a child can’t improve at maths. This promotes a damaging fixed mindset.
Growth mindset praise focuses on effort, strategies, and the power to grow skills over time. For example, “You haven’t quite got the hang of fractions yet, but I know you can improve with more practice.” Adding the word "yet" emphasises this growth potential.
You can also praise the process: “I like how you're breaking down the steps for solving each fraction.” This validates effort while encouraging a growth mindset.
Why Praise Matters for Foster Children
If you are a foster carer, whether that’s short term fostering or long-term fostering, supportive praise is especially valuable. Many have experienced trauma, disruption, and emotional distress. Warm, specific praise from foster carers helps build self-esteem.
Focus praise on effort over innate talent to motivate these children. “I’m proud of how carefully you listened and followed directions” means more than “You’re so smart.” Process-focused praise stresses that they have control over outcomes through hard work. This engenders confidence and resilience.
Sincere praise for positive behaviours also provides stability. It shows what behaviours are desired and valued in your home. Foster children thrive when praise is consistent, specific, and tied to constructive actions.
The encouragement, validation, and motivation of the right praise should not be underestimated. With thoughtful words, you can empower children to keep trying, growing, and believing in themselves. Praise their effort, progress, behaviours, strategies, and growth potential. Let your words inspire them to be their best.
