Getting the best from a marriage means being on the same page about what the future might hold. This might mean sitting down for a very serious conversation – but this prospect doesn’t have to be intimidating. If you treat a marriage like any other project, you can vastly reduce the likelihood of your being disappointed. But what might such a conversation involve?
Talk About Long-Term Career Goals
If your career trajectories are certain to drive you apart, it’s best to know about it sooner rather than later. Talk about where you see yourselves heading in the next decade or two. If your objectives are incompatible, then one might be forced to make compromises in order to please the other. Sleepwalk into these compromises, and they might be a source of resentment further down the line.
Align on Future Living Plans
At the same time, you might think about where you’d ultimately like to live. One person might want to start a family in a new country, while another might want to stay near to family. If you’re going to be buying property together, then understanding where the other half of the relationship is coming from is pivotal.
Discuss Family and Children Plans
You don’t need to decide on the names of your children early on. But if one person is dead set on having them, and the other one isn’t, then you are certain to run into problems later on. The same might apply to the way you’d like to raise your children. If you don’t share certain key values relating to the upbringing of hypothetical children, then it’s unlikely that the relationship will work out.
Establish Lifestyle and Financial Values
You might also discuss your spending priorities. Do you want to get the mortgage paid off as quickly as possible, so that you can enjoy a higher quality of life later on? Or, would you rather spend your early years travelling, and enjoying one another’s company? How big does your house need to be?
If there’s a considerable disparity in incomes, or you simply want to protect yourselves against future disputes, then you might agree to enter into a prenuptial (or postnuptial) agreement.
Define What Success and Happiness Means to You
Finally, it’s a good idea to arrive at a shared vision of what you’re working towards. What is a successful marriage, and what does it look like? What does a happy life look like, from your perspective? You might consider frameworks like the five ‘love languages’ when assessing your compatibility, and aligning your plans – but honesty and a willingness to compromise are the two hallmarks of a durable relationship.
