Tuesday, October 29, 2013

Putting the Cart Before the Horse - My Experience As A Younger Mother ♥


This year the most important event that will ever happen in my life took place, I became a mother for the first time. This day was the most perfect day I could ever imagine and finally getting to hold my precious baby boy in my arms after ten, (yes ten, forty weeks is ten not nine months!) long months waiting for his arrival was the most magical moment I will ever experience. I really didn't know love until I became a mother. I strongly believe that there are different types of love, the love I feel for my fiance is very different to the love I feel for my son, a mothers love for her child is unconditional, something which can never be replaced and the bond can never be broken, no matter what happens they will always be your baby. I love my son with all my heart and try my best to be the most perfect mother I can be. I want to do everything I possibly can for him and want him to both love me and respect me. However, my becoming a mother has not only gained me a precious son and a new role in life but also ,sadly, a lot of ridicule from those who are meant to be closest to me.

I became a mother at the ripe old age of twenty-two. Am I ashamed of this fact? No. Should I be? Hell no. I graduated from university in 2010 so it is not as if I am a teenager still in school who needs to complete her education. I am in a loving, committed relationship with someone I have known for over six years so it's not as if my son is the product of a one night stand. Fair enough my fiance and I are not married, it would have been nice to have been married before our son arrives but hey, life isn't a fairytale and everything doesn't go perfectly to plan but if I am told one more time about how I "put the cart before the horse" I think I may just scream! Having a marriage certificate does not constitute being a good parent. There are many single, divorced and separated people who are fabulous parents, to say that being married is necessary to begin a family is in my opinion quite insulting, some people don't even believe in marriage, does this mean that they have no right to be a parent? I don't think so! As for my age, I am now twenty-three, my birthday was twenty-one days after my sons and you know what I feel as if I'm forty-three, I am so settled. Age is also a factor which does not constitute whether someone is a good parent or not, I know people in their mid-fifties who have never been good parents and never will be, age does not make you more suitable to be a parent. Yes I am young and some people my age wouldn't even consider the idea of having a child in their twenties but that is their perogative, my choice has been different and do I regret it? Absolutely not. People closest to me see my decision to have a child as a big mistake and this really hurts, even now eight months on since my sons birth I face unjustified ridicule and insults from people who should understand my decision and how positive it has been on my life. Look at my smile in the above picture, it is not just for the camera, this is not the smile of someone who feels like a failure because they got pregnant at a younger age, this is the smile of a proud, loving mother who is completely happy with her decision to have a baby.

I recently was made aware of the fact that someone I know was going around to people close to me saying "what a shame it was that I got pregnant after all my education", as you can imagine this made me shake with rage! What business is it of this person whether I have a child or not? I cannot stand these gossips and busy-bodies who have nothing better to do than go around giving their unwanted opinions on people's lives, I think they'd be better off concentrating on the antics of their own children instead of being "disappointed" in me. I took this as such an insult as I believe this person was insinuating that my son was a mistake in my life, he is not! He is the best thing that ever happened to me and to imagine life without him, well there's just no point in that, my life would be unfulfilled without him in it. If I had waited to have a child then they would not be my son so can I then say that it would have been right to wait? Definitely not.

I am proud to be a younger mother and a damn good one at that! I cherish my son and am a fantastic mother if I do say so myself. I'm not one of these 'wans' who go out partying every weekend and live for child benefit day to be able to go on a shopping spree, I actually have never been apart from my son except for leaving him with my mother on a handful of occasions and I do everything I possibly can to make him happy, healthy and feel loved. I enjoy every moment with him and am delighted that I have gotten to experience the joyous adventure that is motherhood. To anyone who has something negative to say about a younger mother who is doing her best keep your opinions to yourself, I can assure you that no one wants to hear them, concentrate on your own life. I am so happy to have had my baby at a young age, it means that I get to spend more wonderful years with him and create many fabulous memories for him to remember when I'm long gone. If you're also a younger mother don't ever let anyone put you down for having a baby in your younger years, no one but you knows how this was the best decision of your life.

Share:

11 comments

  1. I was younger than you when I had my first and hated the instant judgement....I still get it too :/ It's not fair when age shoudln't really matter as long as you love your child and have a good head on your shoulders that's half the battle really isn't it? Its very annoying being judged especially when, I'm happy and my kids are happy. I'm glad I had my kids young too, that's when my life began, I would be so lost without them! <3 x

    xx

    ReplyDelete
  2. We should start a young "wans" club :) I was just 23 when I had my first baby, but luckily no one has ever been brave enough to share any negative thoughts if they had them. I honestly believe that being a parent is one of the greatest of life's experience, and to have the energy of being a younger mother is fantastic, even if you don't have many peers who are also parents. Plus, we'll only be in our forties when they're grown ups, so plenty of time for ourselves too! People will always talk, and I have no control over what they say, so I try to focus on the opinions of people I love and respect x

    ReplyDelete
  3. We should create a young "wans" club :) I've been very lucky in that no one with negative thoughts on my being a young mother(first baby at 23) has ever been brave enough to share them with me. I love having the energy to run after my boys all day! I can't control what other people say and think, so focusing on the opinions of people I love and respect keeps me on track. I hope that toxic chatter goes away soon for you Fiona, you're right in trusting that you know best how to live your life x

    ReplyDelete
  4. I too am a younger mother. Although I started at a younger age; 18 year old while in high school. I am still with the father whom I am married to now going on 7years with 3 daughters. I would/still do get judged by strangers. I've learned to put it past me though. Great post! :)

    Kaitlyn
    Three Sisters and us
    http://threesistersandus.blogspot.com/2013/10/mommy-braging-rights.html

    ReplyDelete
  5. 22 isn't a bad/extra young age to have children I don't think - be proud, you seem like a great mum!

    lovely post:-)
    zofia xo
    littlemisspradaxo.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
  6. Don't let people drag you down Fiona, there are ALWAYS busy bodies around to put their twopennies worth in where its not wanted. If it wasn't your age they'd find something else.
    I get flack and get insulted for waiting until I was "too old" to have my first baby!! You literally can never win.
    xxx

    ReplyDelete
  7. I had my first at 24. She is now 22 and I have three others. I was also married by then! How young I was. When I look at my daughter now I can't believe I was barely older than her. Yet I have managed and loved every minute. But I particularly love the fact that I am relatively young now and able to have inbuilt babysitters and have great freedom. Enjoy your little one. Whatever age you are early motherhood is just so very special. This was a lovely post and those tetchy thoughts brought me back, particularly the "shame when she had got such a good education" comment. Oh and by the way I'm in my forties now and a lot less "settled" than in my twenties. I predict the same for you!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Don't worry, 22 isn't that young to have kids! Where I live everyone is literally getting married at 18 and having kids by 20 so I see 22 as a good age to start a family. And even if he wasn't planned he's a beautiful baby and anyone would be glad to have such a blessing in their lives.

    xoxo
    -B ♡ MsBerryStylish 

    ReplyDelete
  9. I have had the same, graduated uni at 21, bought a house at 22, fell pregnant near my 23 birthday, got engaged at 24 (We have been in a relationship for almost 8 years) and to be married in August. I'm now 25 and I still get some remarks! I just think it my life and I wnat to live it to the full! xxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. I am a younger mother too had my son when i was 23, now my son is 6 and we couldn't be happier. i wouldn't want it any other way! I know pecisely how you feel people always find one thing or another to fault, that always makes my blood boil!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Just imagine how lucky you'll be, when your children are grown up, you'll still be young enough to enjoy life :)

    ReplyDelete

Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I appreciate all your comments and try to reply whenever I can.

Peace & love,
Fiona
xo

© Dolly Dowsie | All rights reserved.
Blog Design Handcrafted by pipdig