Saturday, August 15, 2015

How Are Babies Made? ♥

I'm being serious, my twenty-five year old self would love to know how babies are made, because, being completely honest, I don't understand how a couple can be trying for over a year with no pregnancy occurring, especially as we're all told from a young age - 'don't have sex or you'll get pregnant' - if only! Is it all down to luck I wonder? I know it takes a long time to make something perfect, it took almost a year for us to conceive our son, but honestly, how do some people fall pregnant so easily whilst it seems like an impossible task for others? I've decided to speak candidly about my struggle to conceive and all the negative and disappointing thoughts that run through my mind every month when I realise that once again my hopes of becoming pregnant are dashed. I know I'm not alone in these thoughts, I know that so many people struggle to have a baby but what I really want to know is why?

I know people who only need their partner to as so much as look at them before they become pregnant, on the other end of the scale I know people who have tried and failed for many years to become pregnant, turning to options such as IVF to only be left disappointed once again, it all seems so unfair and it's made me seriously wonder just how babies are made. Is there some sort of formula to it all? I know some people stand by the belief that you can only fall pregnant during two certain days out of a month, but when that method fails what else can you possibly do?

We have no been trying for baby number two (or perhaps I should say number three as we're hoping for our rainbow baby) for over a year and have had no luck. I'll be honest, a piece of me dies just a little when my 'monthly visitor' arrives and the hope of holding a precious little newborn in my arms once again falls away to nothing. I'm sure this feeling is one that most women who are try to conceive go through until the month that they finally do fall pregnant. I know so many people who are currently pregnant, are announcing their pregnancies or who have just given birth and whilst I'm so happy for them, I'm also quite jealous too, I'm just speaking candidly here, there's no point in me lying and pretending that I don't wish it was me making an announcement and having something so special to look forward to, instead I'm left wondering - "What the hell is wrong with me. Why isn't this happening for us?"

In January 2014 I did become pregnant on the first try and from that very first positive pregnancy test I felt as though something wasn't quite right, I didn't even feel pregnant and sadly suffered a miscarriage a day after my sons 1st birthday, the timing couldn't have been crueler for me, from celebrating such a joyous occasion to sitting in a hospital cubicle sobbing my little heart out after being told - "I'm sorry, there's nothing there..." Ever since that day I've felt that something is missing, I think a little part of me died that day as well as my unborn child and whilst I'm not trying to replace that baby I do wish for another.

I brought up the fact that we've been trying for over a year with no joy with my doctor last week, something which is advised if you have been trying for that long with no pregnancy occurring, only to be met with the usual wishy-washy, unhelpful statements such as - "You already have a child so at least you know you can have children, unlike those who have to resort to other methods..." - yes, thank you so much for that non-peace of mind statement, that really but my mind at rest from worry and frustration... not. Secondary Infertility is a real thing, I have a family member who has sadly suffered from this and I'm not going to lie, I have so many worries in my mind about this, especially as it took eleven months to conceive my son in the first place. I'm also quite aware that I'm only twenty-five and have 'plenty of time' but that's such an unhelpful statement too, I know people younger than me who have three children and counting... Age is irrelevant to the situation.

They say that it'll happen when you stop trying - is this another formula to try? Why does it all have to be so complicated? This is why I'll never understand how people can fall pregnant from one night stands or if they don't want a baby at all, it just seems like unbelievable luck, especially when you have women like me who wish for another baby with all their being and have no joy. I want another baby with all my heart, not just for me to love and cherish but for my son to have a sibling. He's two and half tomorrow, I don't want him to be reaching the age of four before he becomes a big brother, the gap is far too big for me and having a personal experience of having a brother four years younger than myself I know we're not close and I'd hate that for my own children.

So today I am on a downer, feeling frustrated about a lot of things, the non-pregnancy situation being on the forefront of my mind. It's all well and good for my other half to try and make me feel better about the situation by saying things like - "If it doesn't happen we'll have a lovely holiday next summer, outside of Europe even", a holiday isn't what I want and doesn't even come close to the joy of having another precious child to love and complete our family. I don't think he fully grasps just how devastating it is for me to realise that once again I'm not pregnant, that all those possible 'pregnancy symptoms' were just in my mind because I so want them to be true and that the 'not pregnant' words displaying on that overly-expensive pregnancy test just made my heart break a little, again...

So here I am as an adult, left wondering if all I've been told in sexual and health education class was true, because it all seems like myth to me at this stage. Can anyone tell me and all the other ladies out there who are trying for a baby, just how are babies made?

Anyone?
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29 comments

  1. Yes, yes and yes. You have basically taken every thought I am having and written it down. Thank you! You are not alone in any of these feelings. x

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  2. It really is incredibly unfair. I am one of the lucky ones who has got pregnant really easily (two of ours were much wanted but unplanned!) but I have a very close friend who is dealing with secondary infertility and it is heartbreaking. I don't think it is taken as seriously as 'complete infertility', which is a shame because it doesn't make it any easier. I hope it works out for you, and I'm sending plenty of baby dust and luck your way xx

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  3. I'm one of those who 'left it too late' and then discovered that I was infertile. It breaks my heart when I see so many obviously unplanned babies being pushed around by parents who are hardly more than children themselves. But Fiona, you know in your heart of hearts that worrying and anxiety isn't helping. So why not (and yes, I know it's so much easier said than done) just let it go for now. If it happens then yay! If it doesn't, you have the love and support to help you through whatever may come your way. Instead of wishing & hoping, step back a bit, take stock of what you do have & have already achieved. This will raise your confidence & self-esteem which is getting a knock every month. I do hope this hasn't sounded too preachy, it wasn't meant to be and I wish you nothing but happiness xxx

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  4. Falling pregnant comes too easily to me, staying that way has, historically, been harder. I think it's so unfair when it takes a long time for people, and especially when it's your second so they just assume everything fine,

    I know someone (won't name them) who was told to expect trouble conceiving her first, but he came along almost instantly... and now it's just not happening even though the previous obstacles are no longer an issue. It's worked the Exact opposite way around and makes no sense. And I feel so sad for them, and guilty because things have worked for us.

    I was convinced that I wouldn't get to keep this baby, I think we often fear the worst.

    Hopefully the right month for you comes along really soon, it's easy to say focus on the positive (of course we all must) but when you want something so badly it's very hard to not fixate. There's so so many possible reasons and, maybe, it'd be worth you getting a second opinion from a gp because you deserve to have some questions answered. I have my fingers very, very crossed for you xx

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  5. Nature can be so, so cruel. Thinking of you lovely and I hope it happens sooner rather than later - but later rather than not at all! x

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  6. Oh so sorry to hear this, it must be so heart breaking. I haven't started to try for my second yet, but I can imagine secondary infertility is really stressful and difficult for you. No words probably will make any difference or make you feel any better, just wanted to say that even if I haven't experienced it I feel for you. All the best, hoping lots of luck towards your way!

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  7. Fiona, your doctor's response was thoughtless and unprofessional. I think you should switch doctors or at least get a second opinion. The other thing I'd recommend is reading the book Taking Charge of Your Fertility. There's so much solid information in there that every woman should know and very few of us do - it could make all the difference, and at least would make you feel a bit less like it's all a shot in the dark. (Har har.) The other thing I wanted to say is that a bigger age gap might not be the disaster you think it will. Two of my friends have two children who are 6 years apart (one due to secondary infertility and eventual IVF) and it's working out beautifully. Whatever gap you have will work for you, and whether your children get on or not is not really something you can predict from their ages.
    Much love and good wishes.

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  8. Life is unfair, isn't it? I have some friends who are struggling with secondary pregnancies. Getting pregnant wasn't easy for me, too, but I'm glad I did get pregnant. It took me 8 years before I got pregnant with my second child.

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  9. I've never had to deal with this in my life, and I'm grateful for that. I can't imagine the frustration and sadness that must come with a protracted attempt to get pregnant. I'm sorry it's taking so long. =(

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  10. I was young too when I wanted my first and didn't understand what was going on, didn't make sense. Tried fertility drugs, shots, etc and just one year out of the blue it happened...keep the faith...now I have 3.

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  11. It happened to my sister. She had to wait for 9 years. She spent so much to get pregnant. She gained so much weight due to hormone treatment she received. She finally got pregnant.

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  12. every fertility book says that after you have tried for one year, you need to go and have everything checked out...I hope you have done that. If not go...then check out a group called RESOLVE which helps people deal with infertility. IT's a real thing, don't let anyone convince you otherwise.

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  13. What a heartfelt post today! My heart goes out to you! Sometimes things just don't work out in life like we all might like it to! I wish you luck!

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  14. Thank you so much for sharing your personal story. I can never understand all of this as well how some can get pregnant easily while others can't.

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  15. I suffered so many miscarriages. I had an ectopic pg before my 1st child and then 4 miscarriages followed. I'm sorry you're going through this. I did get 2 babies finally and each and every pregnancy involved multiple surgeries. After 2 boys we did adopt a girl because I simply couldn't go through all that again. I now looking back don't regret anything and am happy with my little family. Praying for yours!

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  16. My heart goes out to you as well. I will be thinking wonderful thoughts for you as you take this journey.

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  17. I’m extremely thankful and grateful that I’m one of the lucky ones who was able to get pregnant on the first try. I really feel for the women and couples out there who are having difficulties. I feel for you and I wish you all the best and will keep my fingers crossed for you.

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  18. My heart goes out to you for your difficulties in getting pregnant. Getting pregnant was easy for me but carrying was a whole different story. In a way, I can empathize with your pain.

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  19. I totally understand where you are coming from, I actually have an appointment to speak with my doctor about my fertility tomorrow. I wish you all the best on your journey trying to conceive another blessing, I can't wait until I have a baby of my own!

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  20. I hope that you are able to expand your family soon. Best wishes to you and yours!

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  21. As a mother, my heart goes out to you. I am so incredibly grateful to have my two wonderful boys, I couldn't imagine life without them!

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  22. You aren't alone. One of my dearest friends struggles with this as well. She has been trying to conceive for a while now without success. This is such a beautifully written post.

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  23. You really indeed are not alone. I had an neighbor who was married 10 yrs and could not conceive. They had adopted and had their daughter a couple months before finding out she was pregnant. It was joyful and shocking to them both because they had thought they couldn't conceive. Now they have one adopted daughter and two sons they had conceived. It will happen for you again. Never say never. Thanks for sharing.

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  24. Thank you for sharing your story. I'm sure that it has helped someone who is going through the same issues. I have a friend that is in almost the same situation (they've lost several in the attempt for baby number two). I'm sorry for your heartbreaking loss and I hope that everything works out for you <3

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  25. I'm sorry about this. I went through this with my first. Just hold on to your little guy and pray that it will happen.

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  26. My friend was diagnosed with PCOS which made it very difficult for her to conceive. After many ups and downs and tries (and doctor visits), she gave birth to my god-daughter, and had two babes afterwards. Sometimes, the stress of trying to conceive can also become a barrier. Stay positive! I know it's hard, but it helps.

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  27. Your post is so true, it really does seem like a lottery. When we decided to stop trying to prevent getting pregnant, I got pregnant on my very first cycle, it was totally unexpected, because I honestly thought we would need to be trying for a year. After my first trimester I found out I have a bicornurate uterus and my chances of conceiving is actually halved - so did we just hit the jackpot the first time? No idea, I am already nervous about when we want to try again. The only thing I can advise is to try and de-stress your life, stress can stop your body from functioning properly - so that maybe why people who are not trying get pregnant. Either way, I send you best wishes for the future x

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  28. I am sure your little one will come around soon - I know some people who struggle with it too.

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  29. Thank you so much for writing this! I can relate to a number of things you've mentioned. I spent a year coming off medication so hubby & I can try for a family. It's been really hard work & I'm struggling without my meds. Particularly in terms of PMS. Having 2 weeks of a month completely written off is me fun at all. While we'be only just started trying, the process has been a long one & being told to wait until after I had some gastro tests done means I've had extra cycles that have exhausted my mind & body. How do some people get pregnant so easily? I need their formula, because at the moment I'm scared that wanting my symptoms to end will become more than wanting a baby. Good luck, I hope we both have exciting news to share in the very near future. Xx

    Tania | When Tania Talks

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Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I appreciate all your comments and try to reply whenever I can.

Peace & love,
Fiona
xo

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