Wednesday, August 16, 2017

Struggling ♥

These past few months have been a struggle. I have gone from feeling as though everything was going alright for once, to having the rug pulled from under my feet and being tossed into a whirlwind of constant turmoil. I'm so unhappy with life at the moment and I can't seem to change this no matter how hard I try.

I am always upset over one thing or another. My children are so wild and all I wish is for them to play quietly for a few minutes, but it never happens. They are never quiet, and perhaps children shouldn't be, but I really wish they would just go and play nicely with the plethora of toys we've accumulated over the years for them - I shudder when I think of all the money I wasted on things that are constantly neglected.

I feel as though I'm getting nowhere in life, nothing I do is good enough. I could be a better mother, a better friend, a better blogger, take more imaginative pictures and learn to post process them properly, but with the way I've been feeling these past few months I have the motivation to do none of these things.

I feel so unliked by everyone, so excluded. Even when I post in a Facebook group, where every other post is guaranteed to get multiple replies, I get none. I've never fitted in and now, in my late twenties, I feel it's too late to learn 'the art' of fitting in. Luckily I like my own company.

My relationship has basically broken down before my very eyes, but there's only a certain amount of trying a person can do before they try anymore. I'm not even sure if things could ever go back to how they were, or if I even want them to. I've already become so used to being on my own, adapting a single parent role and not having a partner to share the burden with.

I've been unhappy so many times before in my life, but this time is different, this time I feel the most pressure and burden because I'm responsible for two small boys. I try not to let myself get upset in front of them as I don't want them growing up thinking their mother was always sad. I just want them to have a normal, happy childhood and I do my best everyday to make sure they're getting that - but it's hard.

I don't know what the future holds, what I want to do or how things will play out, but today, with the rain pouring on the windows, I can't help but think that this is a perfect pathetic fallacy to how I'm feeling right now...


8 comments

  1. Oh, sweetheart, you sound so miserable. Thank heavens you are NOT alone - you have us who, I can guarantee think you're wonderful. I'm so sorry things haven't worked out with Jacek but look at all the good that's come out of that relationship. You've grown up, mothered two marvellous little imps and learnt so much. Please don't despair Fiona, things will improve, you'll get back on your own two feet again and look back on these last few months as heartache, yes, but one that will only make you stronger. Much love, Kate in Wexford.

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear you're feeling so sad. I hope things start to get better for you soon. I've gone through a few months of low confidence and lack of motivation. It's unlike anything I've had before and I've been struggling to pull myself out of it. I honestly don't know what started it off. Anyway, I just wanted to say that I have often read your blog over the years and it has helped me in many ways. I particularly love the bits you've shared about growing your blog, and the things you've suggested have gone on to work for me too. So I wanted to say thank you, and that I think your blog is beautiful. You have fantastic photography and writing skills, and two beautiful boys. But I wanted to tell you that I do admire and appreciate what you do. Wishing you the best and I hope you start to feel better very soon xx

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  3. I hope that you are ok, sending you lots of virtual love xx

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  4. I just wanted to say I'm sorry for what you're going through. I hope things start to look up for you and your family soon.

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  5. Oh, sweetheart. <3 I adore you. I should probably tell you that more often! I love your beautiful blog, your incredible insta, and I liked you so much when we met. We should chat more. I am sorry that you have felt excluded xx

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  6. I know the feeling of Struggling, struggling with money, struggling with a work, blogging.That feeling of being alone in the struggle, hope you are okay and if you need someone just know someone cares and I hope things get easier for you and your boys.

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  7. Try to have things to keep hoping for. Life is hard and it's super long. THINK OF IT THIS WAY, YOU HAVE 50+ YEARS to live still and the fact that you're going through this now and acknowledging it is Bad & good but the question is: What are you going to do now?

    Keep your chin up!

    I totally get it though because I feel exactly the same at time!

    Here's some inspo
    http://closetfreedom.blogspot.co.za/2017/08/how-to-keep-going.html

    All the best!

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  8. Like many others I've gone through extremely hard times too and thats what you have to remember you are not alone everyone has their struggles don't feel exclude everyone is there to help. What you really have to do is not let it defeat you, this is my first post of yours to read and I can tell you are a caring mother of two beautiful troublesome boys, a strong independent hard working women who is letting too much get on top of herself and needs to take a step back to find herself and her happiness again and you must do that because your happiness is the most important thing <3

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