I thought I'd write about my honest experience of raising sons and share my feelings of being a mother to boys.
From a young age I always wanted my first child to be a son. I think this stemmed from always wanting a big brother, someone to look out for me - and for some strange reason I always saw a boy being the eldest child as 'the right way round' - don't ask me why because it makes no sense to me either, but this was the vision I had in my mind of the 'perfect' family scenario (for anyone who's wondering I'm actually the oldest child and have one younger brother, so this is a complete opposite to my own life experience).
When I became pregnant for the first time I knew straight away that I was having a boy. I had visions of blue and dreams about a dark-haired, blue eyed baby - who funnily enough turned out to be the straight, almost black haired little baby boy I gave birth to, Tyler Lee. He's now a blondie with curls for days, but he's definitely that baby I dreamed about.
I was so happy to be having a boy as my first child, after all, this was how I saw my 'perfect' family set up and the minute his gender was confirmed it was all baby blue from there on.
When I became pregnant with my second child, I lied about not having a gender preference, when in reality all I wanted was a little girl to complete our family. I've written honestly about my gender disappointment experience before, but when the sonographer exclaimed "you're having another boy!" to us, I couldn't have felt sadder at that moment in time.
I should have known that we were destined to have two boys though, because not only do I come from a male dominated family, but my partner does also. In fact, his family hasn't had a girl born for generations. My grandmother had six brothers - she was the youngest (perhaps my great-grandmother was also wanting a daughter) and she went on to have five sons of her own, two who sadly died as young babies. So our families are boys all round.
I've always wanted a daughter. I always wanted the experience of being a mother to a little girl and having that close bond with her. To be told I was having another boy made those dreams crumble - especially as I knew my partner didn't want anymore children. I think my exact words, through loud sobs in the car, having held my composure long enough to leave the gender scan clinic with some dignity was - "I don't want anymore bloody dinosaurs, cars or tractors" - which was a strange thing to come out with considering my eldest wasn't really into these things at all, but I won't lie, I was truly sad that I wasn't having a girl.
I think boys get bad rep - being seen as rowdy, loud, messy, dirty and boisterous and yes, they can be all of those things from time to time, but they're also extremely affectionate, loving, thoughtful, caring and endearing.
My eldest is very imaginative, loves role playing games and helping out with the washing and cleaning. He actually hates being dirty - even though he gets his clothes dirty in less than two seconds after putting them on and he doesn't see things as being for boys or girls, he's happy to play with everything and mix with everyone. I think this may be down, in part, to trying to raise him in a gender neutral way and letting him choose what he's interested in rather that forcing him into gender stereotypes - something I've also written about before.
The baby is car obsessed, he just loves rolling them along the ground - if it rolls he likes it! He likes nothing better than sitting on my lap, cuddling up and watching the TV with me and he's just as quick moving as his older brother. He's very much a 'mummy's boy' and I think he'll always be the baby, affectionately known as 'baby Beau' by his big brother.
I love the fact that my boys are brothers - as the saying goes "because I have a brother I'll always have a friend". They're very close and Tyler is very protective over his little brother (he's really taken his big brother role in his stride) and the baby thinks he's absolutely hilarious. I've loved watching their sibling relationship grow and I love that they'll always have each other.
I think it's the superficial things about being a 'boy mum' that I find most difficult. I honestly hate clothes shopping for them, I rarely find anything I really like and I detest the fact that dark colours, dinosaur prints and vehicle motifs are always pushed down my throat by clothing brands - there's more to boys than just these things you know... I can't say I don't longingly look at beautiful little vintage dresses on Etsy and feel some envy that I'm not able to buy them instead, because they're much more appealing to me! But I'll get over these things and live in hope that one day highstreet clothing shops might cater much better for boys - otherwise the handmade sellers I buy from will still be kept in business for a long time to come.
I do sometimes worry that as they get older and they're interests change, that I'll find it hard to keep up with them, but we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. That horrible phrase - "a daughter is a daughter for life, a son is a son until he finds a wife" also plays in my mind, but I hope that I'll have raised my boys well enough so that they won't forget me - even when they do have another lady in their life.
I love my boys dearly and wouldn't change my 'boy mum' status for the world. I can't say though that if we ever did have another baby that I wouldn't want it to be a girl, because then I'd just be lying to myself. But for now, I have two boys and they are my absolute world.
A truly honest and lovingly written piece. I really enjoyed reading.
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