It's almost six weeks since I became a mother for the second time and since then I've been on a learning journey of sorts. I've been learning all about my new baby boy, getting to know each and every aspect of his personality, his likes, his wants and needs. I've been learning how to reassure my biggest baby that he's still a very special part of mummy's life and that I will always have time to make him happy and feel loved, included, secure. And although my days are consumed with looking after my two precious boys and tending to their every need, I've also been on a learning journey of my own too, realising what I'm really like as a person, what I need to get on well in life and what really matters the most to me.
I've learned that I thrive on routine and I really can't function without it. I'm one of those weird people who loved school, not because I was learning new things or meeting up with my friends or boyfriend at the time, but because it had a rigid routine and that was good for me. I have a great routine going with the boys and I'll be trying my best to keep it that way - I'll be sharing a post about it soon. Tyler Lee is in that awkward toddler stage where his sleep is a bit disturbed and he can be prone to a tantrum or whinging outburst at any time and I think the routine has really helped to calm his behaviour too. It was hard going with him for a time, he was just lashing out for no apparent reason, but life is much better with him now and I'm thanking the routine for contributing somewhat to this positive change.
I've learned that I'm more than capable of looking after two young children on my own. I can't even begin to tell you how many sleepless nights I had worrying about how I would cope on my own with the two of them whilst Jacek was at work, how I would get out of the house on time (or at all) for dropping Tyler Lee to preschool, I even worried about how I get them both in and out of my little three door car, but I'm proud to say I'm actually doing great, better than I expected. Yes it can be very stressful at times, especially when one is in need with something but I'm busy with the other and then trying to judge whose need is more urgent at the time, but it's actually easier than I thought it would be and I worried for nothing.
I've also learned that I really shouldn't doubt myself so much. This is something I do a lot and I really should stop. I mean, why not me? Why should I already disqualify myself for something before even trying. I do it so much with the blog and opportunities that may arise too. It's something I'm trying to overcome and hopefully soon I'll have the confidence to not put myself down or doubt my abilities again.
I've learned that everything doesn't have to be perfect. I'm such a perfectionist, everything has to be 'just so' and my way and if it's not it bothers me, but since having Beau I think I've calmed down on this aspect of my personality a lot. One thing I've very finicky about is my photography, I was always under the impression if it's not perfect then it's no good at all, and although I don't use my camera everyday I've been capturing the most special moments on my phone camera, all marred with imperfections, but it doesn't even bother me anymore, I've realised that the moment is much more important than the capture. I've also come to terms with the fact that I'll never have a Pinterest-worthy house, not with two rowdy boys!
I've learned that money doesn't grow on trees and not to be so wasteful with it. Jacek and I have begun looking towards the future, have talked seriously about finally getting married and applying for a mortgage and everything else we want to save for. We've opened up credit union accounts for the boys so that we can save for them and I've begun contributing to my own one again too, something I haven't done for years.
I've learned that things are just things and that memories are worth far more. Before I was insistent on buying things we really didn't need just because they were in fashion or because I decided we needed to have them - we really didn't. I was inspired and spurred on by pictures on Instagram and Pinterest and decided that I just couldn't resist all that lovely stuff... now the house is full of things that go unused and it's shameful to see. I've begun selling them on now but I'm not going to be buying things just for the sake of it again. I'd rather we saved the money or used it to have days out or holidays with the boys, after all, the memories we make together are priceless, so what could make me happier?
These are such important learnings. I think the one about knowing that things don't always have to be perfect is the most important for our sanity!
ReplyDeleteI can so relate with "I've learned that money doesn't grow on trees" ;) In my past life, before being a mum and wife, when I still had a career, I used to buy everything on a whim, not because I needed it but well... because it was there and it caught my eye! But as a mum, I'm now careful with all my expenses. I now hardly buy anything for myself unless I really need it. x
ReplyDeletethis is so useful because I am contemplating having another child but have been so scared about whether I could cope! My sister has just had her second child a month ago so I wonder if she feels the same as you!
ReplyDeleteAs a mother of a (nearly) 1 year old, I do mildly panic at how I'd cope when the next one comes along so it's reassuring to hear that everyone has those concerns and that they're nonsense and it's do-able!
ReplyDeleteI agree with all of these things, I remember worrying so much about how I would manage with more then one child but you just adapt and it is not so bad. I am also a big fan of routine and think it makes life so much easier. Beautiful photo of you and your boys xx
ReplyDeleteYou are clearly doing a fanastic job hunnie and you should be proud of yourself x
ReplyDeleteI found the jump from one to two children quite easy and you are so right about not needing all the new things - I learned my lesson there a long time ago
ReplyDeleteI really needed to read this. Our second baby is due in three weeks and over the past months I have been wondering how the heck I am going to cope with a newborn and a three year old. But this post has given me hope that everything will be fine. I definitely need a routine though. I thrive under a routine but have never been able to get into one. So I am really looking forward to seeing your post about your routine. Hugs Lucy xxxx
ReplyDeleteIt can be a really trying time adding another child to your daily routine, and especially trying on a toddler who still needs to know your love for him, or might feel replaced by the baby. Keeping a routine like you are doing is totally the way to do it. It was always best for me. Good luck and congrats on your new bundle!
ReplyDeleteThose are all great lessons. I found it amazing how quickly I could see my children's differences. My daughter was only a few weeks old and we could tell she was very different from the boy.
ReplyDeleteIt is amazing to me how different each child can be! Trying to get into a new routine and figure out the new normal is definitely a hard transition. I also struggle with trying to make everything perfect. Once you have kids, that goes out the window real fast!
ReplyDeleteI think we all doubt ourselves until we are faced with the thing we are most scared of and overcome it. IT becomes easy after we have done it, motherhood can be a struggle sometimes but it seems like you are doing a great job with two! Congrats on your growing family!
ReplyDeleteThese are all great lessons and as a mom myself, I have to remind myself that memories are far more important than things. This is something I have also tried to teach my children. Routine is very important and soon you will settle into a new routine and all it will be balanced again.
ReplyDeleteWe're massive fans of routine too and it eases our stress following set timelines. My mummy is also a perfectionist and needs to learn to let go of things!
ReplyDeleteI so hear you on all these, especially your point about money and also about memories over stuff. I am so different now I am a mother x
ReplyDeleteI have learned a lot about myself, also, being a mother of three. I, too often, doubt myself (more in the past than now). Had I had more confidence, maybe my kiddos would have also.
ReplyDeleteBecoming a mother is truly life changing. I have recently learned that I live for routine as well. It is imperative with children and really helps me keep my sanity with two very active kids.
ReplyDeleteI can certainly relate to these lessons learned. Being a mom of one was much different than when I became a mom of two and then three. You definitely learn a lot about yourself, and life, as you mother and raise others.
ReplyDeleteI definitely thrive on routine! I could not live without it!! My husband was away for work for two months and although it was so difficult to do everything on my own, I also found that I was way more organized!
ReplyDeleteI think that experiences are so much more precious than things. Our children remember the things we did, not what we have
ReplyDeleteI love this. Money for me is a big issue. I hate to spend frivolously, but enjoy making memories with my kids. Which sometimes involve more money than I'd like to spend. It's all about balance. And yes routine, my family needs a routine or we are a little crazy.
ReplyDeleteLovely post, would love to hear more about your routine as our little boy is going through a harder stage too!
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