Monday, January 09, 2017

The Common Misconceptions Of Being A Stay At Home Mother ♥

Before I became a mother, I was wrongly under the impression that stay at home mothers had it made. What could be better, I thought, than staying at home all day with your little darlings, not having to conform to strict time keeping to make it to work on time and being able to plan your week how you wanted. Essentially I thought stay at home mothers were their own boss and oh how wrong I was! 

I get the opinion that people think I collect the dole and sit on my arse all day. I do neither (okay I may sit on my arse occasionally...). I take no money off the government, nor do I think I'm entitled to any and now that we've that cleared up, I can continue.

I will admit that when my first baby was born, it was a breeze looking after him. I'd only be lying if I said it wasn't. He used to sleep all the time and I'm sure he would have loved to have slept twenty-four hours a day if it wasn't for the fact that he had to eat and have his nappy changed. 

He was such a little angel and my house was cleaner than it ever had been, I had everything organised, dinner made every night and I even had the time to shower and do my makeup on a daily basis. I was becoming the "perfect housewife", a status which I never thought I would achieve (I bloody hate cleaning and cooking!). "This mothering malarkey is easy!", I oh so foolishly thought. 

As the months went on I found it harder and harder to get my house in order. To this day, the lack of organisation drives me mad. I now don't have the dinner ready until Jacek literally walks in the door and even at that it's a 'take frozen food out of the freezer but it in the oven and bam!' job.

A stay at home mother is most definitely not her own boss. In fact, my boss - or should I say bosses now that Beau has graced our lives, are the most demanding bosses I have ever had! Work starts at four or five in the morning, depending on which child wants to greet me first, and doesn't end until five-thirty that evening for baby boss and seven o' clock for the child boss - that's a twelve and a half hour day for one and even more for the other! Breaks are not included in my contract. 

Tyler still needs everything done when he wants and not a second longer otherwise his whinging becomes intolerable. I swear, I can't wait for his Oscar's award ceremony in the future, because the child is definitely a master in dramatics! Thankfully Beau is of a calmer disposition... for now.

I'm not allowed to work on my own initiative, the bosses have me on a strict schedule that allows for no other 'jobs' to be done. The laundry basket keeps breeding whilst I'm not looking (much to Tyler's delight. Seriously, anyone know of any other three year olds obsessed with washing machines?) and the basket of ironing (*snorts* ironing. Who even does this in 2017 apart from my mother? Creases on pant legs n' all) sits on the tumble-drier unloved and untouched. 

By the time my 'shift' ends I am exhausted, I want to do nothing but lie on the couch and chill out, but unfortunately there are things to be done, bottles to be prepared for the morning, blog posts to be written and other bits and bobs which are necessary to the smooth functioning of my next working day. In reality it's a twenty-four seven job, you are always a mother, always on call, always needed - thanks for the middle of the night wake up calls boys, I'll be remembering them when you're both teenagers and I'm demanding toast which I won't bother eating either...

Stay at home mothers are unable to leave the house on their own and this task is no longer as simple as getting yourself ready and picking up your handbag. Do you know how many things a child needs when out and about? A lot! 

I went on a three day holiday with my eldest boy once and had to take four big bags, four! Being a stay at home mother can also be quite lonely, some days go by where the only adult I get to speak to is Jacek when he comes home from work. 

There are no work colleagues to have a laugh and some banter with, no work nights out and no company throughout the day. You're not part of a team, you are the team and everything is up to you to get done. A stay at home mother plays many roles - chef, cleaner, driver, carer, playmate, entertainer along with many others, how many jobs out there have these many roles for one employee?

People seem to think I have all the time in the world to do what I want when I want and I think they're crazy! As you can probably tell these are people without children, oh the shock they're in for when they do eventually reproduce - to be a fly on the wall when the thought finally hits them that being a stay at home mother isn't all it's cracked up to be.

One of the most challenging things in my day is entertaining my kid. Do you know how easily kids get bored?! They can be occupied for literally twenty minutes before they need something new to catch their attention.

I am constantly on the move looking for a new toy to give to my sons and am permanently having to turn Beau onto his back when he rolls over and gets stuck.

People laugh at me when I say I have to feed the baby at a certain time and need to go home, find somewhere to sit, etc. They think he'll be okay for another few minutes, he most definitely won't be, when it's lunch time it is lunch time and that's at one o' clock. If I didn't follow this strict schedule my life would be chaos and that would most certainly not be fun. 

Stay at home mothers have no time to be sick, therefore it's necessary to make sure you're in optimum health. There is no cover to take over for you. Young children do not understand that mummy needs a day in bed. They're unable to fend for themselves. 

When people express how much they're looking forward to the weekend I just smile and nod, the weekend is nothing to me, just another day just like the rest of the week following the orders of my bosses and sticking to our routine.

However, there are many perks to my job which I could not live without. I get a lot of cuddles, what other boss would be so affectionate? I get to play with my sons, see them laugh, giggle and shriek with delight on a daily basis because apparently I'm hilarious. I get to see them grow, explore, learn and be amazed by the general wonder of the world that surrounds them

Being a stay at home mother is one of the hardest jobs in the world and I am now thinking that 'job' is the wrong word, perhaps 'vocation' would be better. This vocation that I decided to undertake (twice!) has been the best thing that has ever happened in my life. 

To be a mother, it's a feeling I cannot describe. Nevertheless, there are far too many misconceptions surrounding stay at home mothers, people really think we have it made. I would love one of these people to spend a week in my shoes and do what I do everyday, it's bloody hard work but my God is it worth it.



  1. perfectly put.. going to the shop without the kids is like a mini vacation (",)

  2. well said :) wasn't too long ago my life was scheduled around bottle and lunch feeds and trust me , you jump off that schedule, then the extra five minutes you assumed would be OK .. just became the most horrific five minutes of your life!... my house is so dusty that i don't have to decorate it for was myself and my little girl for almost everyday for 7/8 months and as much as i love her, im suprised i have hair left! Hats off to my love...your doing a perfect job :)

  3. I love this post! I have to say I do have some preconceptions about stay at home mothers, this is because I know of people who are lazy and leave everything to their own parents so that they can go out clubbing etc whilst also claiming benefits to pay for alcohol etc.
    I am not a mother, and I think unless you're a mother yourself you shouldn't judge because I bet it is a very difficult job. I do think as the child/children get a little older a mother should try and seek a part time job, or work outside of the house for a few hours to help provide for the kid and also just to get out of the house and working. As I said I love this post and of course do not mean any offense with what I said :) xxx

  4. My baby turns 6 on Friday and I am still struggling to keep the routine going. But once they start going to nursery and school you find a whole new network of friends who are all in the same boat as you. Embrace it and enjoy it!

  5. You put it perfectly! Couldn't agree more :) xox

  6. Completely get you on this one Fiona, the fact that I'm leaving comments on blogs at 2:13am speaks for itself! It's exhausting looking after children on a full time basis, especially when they're so little and can't tell you what they want or need. Anyone can see what a fab job you're doing with Tyler, he looks so happy and content x

  7. So true, I'm a mummy of three who's at home whole my partner works, often feel like I'm drowning but at the same time it is the best job in the world, people do think it's easy, even my partner, yet if I have an hours driving lesson he literally watches the baby, no housework etc, bloody men lol xx

  8. I about cried at how true this rings. I am glad to know that I am not in the boat alone.I dont even know how you keep friends and hang out through all of this. I just moved to a new city and have yet to have a chance to get out and network with other human beings away from the computer. There was a time that my husband got a dose of the stay at home parent and he realized it is not a lofelong vacation. Dont forget the job title referee too.


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