Sunday, May 28, 2017

One For the Lonely Mothers ♥

Oh hello there.

I'm going to presume you stumbled or clicked onto this blog post because you feel lonely.

Please don't be embarrassed, you're not alone. I feel exactly the same way and have done for awhile now...

Like you I wish I had friends, like proper friends, who I could have some drinks and chats with and call up when I just want to talk about the stupid stuff that's on my mind. I'd also love to have a friend to have a laugh with, a proper good old belly laugh... because I haven't had one of those in quite some time now and I miss being fun and carefree.

In all honesty, just one friend would probably do, a best friend, like other people have and I wish I was as lucky as them. Don't you?

It's funny isn't it, how you can feel so lonely yet not get a minutes peace in a day? The baby's babbling and the four years old amazing stories just don't make up for the lack of adult conversation though do they, no matter how cute they are.

Since having my sons my social skills have almost gone into extinction and I've become so socially awkward - made even more awkward by the fact that my four year old is the friendliest little thing going, it's like he's forcing me to speak to people. So believe me when I say I know how hard it is to try and talk to the other mums and dads, but God am I grateful when it actually goes quite smoothly and I get to chat to another adult for awhile - one who isn't my partner. Not that there's anything wrong with him by the way, but it's nice to speak to someone in the 'outside world' for a change, isn't it?

I love bumping into the friendly mothers at my son's school. The ones who are a bit older than me and probably know I'm awkward and lonely because they probably felt this way at some stage too, so they make the effort to help me join in. Do you know the ones? I hope you have those school gate mums in your life too, because they're a lifeline in a long day of being by yourself with small children.

Did you ever even think it would be like this? Being at home all day on your own, clung to your phone because it's your only source of chat with other people, albeit 'virtual people', but people nonetheless. What would have done if we were mothers back in the 90's with no internet or a smartphone? I dread to think, because if we still feel lonely with all these 'sources' of communication then is there any hope for us at all?

It's not real communication though is it? Nothing beats speaking to people face to face does it? I miss my girly nights out and mid-week meets ups with my friends for water (I'm one of those weirdos who doesn't drink hot drinks), chats and gossip. Those were the days... I miss those girls and somedays I'd love to get in touch, but when so much time goes by I think I'd just look like a food getting in touch out of the blue now.

Do you hate weekends too? I see them as just being two more days to have to find somewhere to go on my own with the kids whilst my partner works. I wish I had friends with kids too to meet up with and chat with while the children played. Instead I put up the teepee in the garden, make 'picnics' for them and sit out with them whilst I comment on people's pictures on Instagram... It's not ideal but it'll have to do, there's no one else to talk to.

Loneliness is the worst feeling in the world and I'm sorry that you feel just like I do. I'm sorry we don't both have the friends we wish for. I'm sorry that this feeling is part of our adventures in motherhood. I wish things were different for us both.

I'm not going to tell you to join a baby and toddler group, go to a gym class or any other social suggestion that other people make in the effort to try and get you to go out and make friends, because if you're anything like me then you couldn't think of any worse places to go on your own. What I will tell you though is that you're not alone.

So in those moments of sadness when the kids are running you ragged and you wish you call someone up and organise a night out... you're not alone. There are thousands of us that feel the same, so don't be embarrassed.

Hopefully one day our paths will cross with some of these people and we can have those chats and friends we so wish for. Until then, take care of yourself. You're just as important as your little ones. Hang in there mama.

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