Thursday, January 05, 2017

The Second Baby ♥

Our baby boy Beau has been in our lives for over seven months now, and in some ways it seems as though he has always been with us, yet with some things still feeling very new.

The familiarity could stem from him being our second baby and whilst every child is different, ultimately we have been through it all before, the different stages that a baby goes through as they set out on their road to independence.

So far we've passed the beautiful newborn stage - possibly the most precious time of having a baby and also the quickest to pass, the familiarising stage - where a baby learns who's part of it's family and can recognise them by sound and sight and we're now in the mobile stage - the stage when babies no longer want to lay down and can roll about and shuffle on their tummies to get about.

All of these stages have come and gone so quickly for us and I have to admit, it's all left me feeling a little bit sad. What if Beau is our last child and I didn't get a chance to fully embrace each stage? Parenting is much different with a second baby.

It's sad to admit, but it's true what people tell you - no one will care about your second baby as much as they did with your first. No one came to visit Beau and I in the hospital apart from my mother and Tyler and a handful of people sent a card or gave him a gift when he was born, a complete opposite in comparison to when Tyler was born.

No one offered any help the second time either, even to take Tyler out for a couple of hours so that we could settle the new baby or even bond with him on his own. I found this surprising, but in my heart of hearts I knew it would happen, with the second baby you're just expected to get on with things aren't you, after all, you've been through it all before so you should be able to cope...

I've found that I've done things completely different with Beau too. Maybe it's because in my mind I feel as though he may be my last, so I've tried to cram in as much as I possibly can with him and began doing things from the beginning that I had only learned about and experienced much later in my parenting with Tyler.

I'm not OCD about having things sterilised (apart from his bottles of course), I learned that him being with me is much more important than giving him things. I take a lot of photos of him as I wasn't into photography when Tyler was a baby, but I'm aware that I must live in the moment and experience my memories with him away from the camera lens too.

I'm not spurring him on to reach the next milestones in his development, whereas with Tyler I seemed to wish his life away waiting for the next one to pass. I didn't even want to wean the child if I'm honest. Every milestone to me feels like I'm losing my baby, whereas with Tyler it was all so exciting.

One thing I've struggled with when it comes to parenting a second baby is dealing with the impact it's having on my first child and feeling guilty that I haven't been able to give my second child the same experiences I gave his brother.

When Tyler was a baby, him and I used to lay on the couch, snuggling up and having that closeness a mother and her small baby should have, whereas with Beau I haven't been able to experience that simply because Tyler is always here, or if he isn't I have so many things to catch up on before he gets back that sitting down and relaxing with the baby just isn't an option.

I used to have baths with Tyler, him laying on my chest with the warm water lulling him to sleep - I have yet to do that with Beau as I know that Tyler will just want to join in too and will end up getting upset if I explain that only the baby can come in with me.

Going for walks is also something I struggle with. We have a beautiful pushchair that I love taking Beau out and about in, but going for a walk on my own with the two kids is almost impossible as Tyler will either walk for five minutes and then tell me he's too tired or will run off.

However, like everything in life, with all the challenging aspects of parenting a second baby, there are some beautiful, positive aspects too. I absolutely adore watching my boys sibling relationship grow and it's so heartwarming to see how besotted Tyler is with his baby brother and how in awe Beau is of his big brother.

As a mother, all I can hope for is that they're very close and will remain firm friends throughout their lives. I've spoken on the blog before about the positives of having a three year age gap between our children and I fully stand by those things, but part of me still feels a bit sorry for Beau.

Sorry that he never gets a moments peace, sorry that the house always descends into chaos and quiet moments are rare, sorry that he almost gets smothered by his over-enthusiastic brother and his rough cuddles multiple times a day, sorry that we've never have those mummy and baby cuddle moments or baths, sorry that I'd rather not take him for a walk for fear of his brother running off, sorry that he's the baby of the family, which inevitably means that he'll have to put up with me babying him and doting on him for much longer than I did with his brother - it's a rite of passage for the baby of the family, right?

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2 comments

  1. I have just had my second child and am finding it a lot more different than I thought I would! I feel bad for both children and am trying to spend as much one on one time with each child, though it's very difficult!

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  2. I love reading about your experience with your second baby. Having had our daughter 3 months ago, I do often find myself wondering how on earth it would all work with a second, and I guess I'm right in thinking it would be a completely different experience for both me and any future baby. I adore your photos and agree about making time to make memories away from the lens, something I'm a little too guilty of myself!

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Peace & love,
Fiona
xo

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