Sunday, March 13, 2016

You Are My Sunshine... ♥

There are just two months left before the new baby arrives, just two short months and whilst I'm so excited by the thought of meeting my precious baby, part of me, a small part, feels a sort of sadness for my little boy. I know he's going to be the best big brother, he's such a caring little thing and loves socialising with other children, I know he'll be overjoyed to have a sibling and friend. I watched him on the beach today sitting next to a baby and her Dad, my boy seemed so calm and happy to sit with the baby and give her a present of stones, it gave me a sense of calm and happiness that soon this will scenario will be one I'll see on a daily basis, but I can't shake my feelings of worry and sadness for him.
I've read two posts past week, by two of my favourite bloggers, documenting some things which have happened in their lives and relationships with their first borns since welcoming the new babies into their family, the first was A Letter To the New Big Brother by Hayley from Sparkles and Stretchmarks and the second was I'm Sorry by Kay from Mummy B, both of these posts evoked such emotion in me because I may find myself in these scenarios with my own children very soon...

I don't want my son to feel as though he's no longer special, after all, he's the one who made me a mother and the one who made me feel complete and loved. I had longed for him all my life and for him to ever feel like he was being replaced or that I no longer had the time I previously had for him, breaks my heart and brings tears to my eyes. It's been him and I together for the past three years, through the ups and downs he's been by my side everyday and we're unbelievably close, he's my little shadow and I wouldn't have it any other way.

I'm not the perfect mother, three years in I'm still learning and I think the act of being a mother will continuously bring me new lessons to learn throughout my children's lives. I really am worried about how I'm going to manage my time between two children, allowing myself to bond and get to know the new baby whilst still maintaining the close-knit relationship I have with my little boy. Others have done it before me so I know it will be okay, but still, the worry of the unknown and the challenges that life with two children brings panics me at times, especially at night when I'm trying to drift off to sleep...

Sometimes I feel incredibly guilty that I've only given him three years of my time, three years of him being my only baby. He still has such baby-like qualities to him and is still very much in need of mine and his Daddy's help, care and time. He doesn't like to be alone for long and longs for us to be with us all the time. I want to, I need to, make sure that there's always room on my lap for his loving little cuddles... I just hope I can manage it. The mummy guilt is a menace, I've never encountered anything like it...

This first born of mine... he's my sunshine, my best friend, the reason I get up in the morning and the only person I've ever loved so much in life that it makes me cry with joy to look at him. Yes, we're going to have a new little one in our lives in just two months time, but that doesn't mean that I'll ever love him less or that he'll ever be in the way. I'm determined to keep everything as normal for him as I possibly can as well as trying to embrace our lives as a family of four. I just hope it can be done and lets hope it's smooth sailing for us all.

You are my sunshine darling, never forget that.

Tyler Lee wears:
Raincoat
Rain Boots
Umbrella 
All c/o Hatley


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28 comments

  1. I have many happy memories of my last weeks with my "only child" but have made many more since his sister has arrived.

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  2. I can understand why it brings sadness to you and worry too about the coming of the new baby. I'd probably feel the same way too if I were pregnant with another one. My husband said that when they took his baby sister home, his parents made him choose and buy a present for his sister. He said he remembers feeling important when he gave the little soft toy to her, even she of course, was only a baby. Maybe you could do something like this with him too? x Dean of Little Steps

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  3. Beautifully honest blog that reminds me so much about how I felt when I had my second baby.
    I don't remember feeling so worried about it when I had my third, I think the special bond siblings have at such a young age is just as magical as them having you all to themselves :)
    I hope this helps xx

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  4. So beautiful hun and thank you for being so honest your little boy will know that you will have a lot of love to give to both children so don't worry about that.

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  5. what a lovely post! there's always room in your heart for both of them! loving his matchy matchy outfit too!

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  6. Oh how cute, I love how everything matches, what a little fashionista x

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  7. What a dear little chap he is, there is nothing more special than our children how ever many you have. #MarvMondays

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  8. Such a lovely post and photo's - I just adore his wet weather gear too

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  9. I can not even begin to imagine what it must be like but I think once the little one comes you 4 will make even more wonderful memories.

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  10. It's a tricky one. I only have one child, but I am an elder child. I don't really remember a time before my sister, but my first memory is of her arriving home. It will be fine.

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  11. I have 6 children and while every mum feels and worry this way I promise you its all going to be just perfect x everyone adjusts x

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  12. Ah this is a lovely post Fi...and omg do I remember these feelings so well with having Noah! I was beside myself some nights with worry and almost grief for the loss of the life as mum just to Tyne. It sounds crazy to say it, but thats how it felt...instead of feeling excitement at what was to come all I could focus on was sadness at the end of an era as a family of 3.
    But as much of a cliche as it is, I wouldnt have it any other way now. And all those memories of the time as a 3 are priceless and special.

    Beautiful photos here too, and thank you for linking to my post. thats so sweet of you! xx

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  13. Fiona you'll be just fine. You'll find the first few weeks hard and you probably realise that you don't give him the full attention that you used to give him. It gets getter though. Once the baby gets older and they can interact it's the most wonderful thing.
    Best thing you can do is prepare for the new arrival. Get him involved as much as possible. Get him to buy a baby for the baby. I made the mistake that I didn't talk too much about it and Matthew was only 2 1/2 when she arrived so didn't quite understand. The age gap between you two will be amazing. X

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  14. What a touching post! I know you will have plenty of love in your heart for both od them!! Love his outfit too...BTW :)

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  15. I had these same worries before I had my second (they are 8 years apart) but seeing their bond has been amazing! Make sure you have one on one time with each of them and you'll be amazing at how there is plenty of love for everyone!

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  16. You have a little cutie on your hands there!! I love his rain jacket and umbrella!!

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  17. when my son was born everyone told me he would be so jealous of his new baby sister - and we never saw any of that. He was just as excited and happy as we were

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  18. Your darling is so cute. Love the outfit and colors that you chose. It will all work out for the best. Your son will easily adjust to be big brother.

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  19. I understand where the sadness is coming from. I've had to deal with that kind of guilt too only it's more challenging because I have twins. The attention really will be divided and sometimes you can't help but feel guilty.

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  20. He sounds so good natured, I'm sure it will be fine. Our daughter struggled but she is a very intense child. Things do get easier

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  21. Such a lovely pics, you're really awesome mom, for sure your son would be proud of you soon.

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  22. I love this! We are talking about having a second child, and sometimes it is hard to imagine another baby when my son is like oxygen to me.

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  23. I think the hardest is definitely going from 1 to 2. 2 to 3 is much easier. My oldest was 4 when her brother arrived, and it was really hard at first. As he got older, it was easier, but in the beginning it was a challenge to still make her feel #1. She did not want to share mommy.

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  24. What a lovely pics, I totally love this. When I read this I remember my son and I want to take my time to him I know he always wanting my time with him.

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  25. Your little boy is so cute & I love that beautiful costume & that matching umbrella as well. I can relate myself with you as I went through the same feelings when I had my 2nd baby, but I am sure we always hold a lot of love to give to both kids anytime.

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  26. This is super cute. I love the way you wrote this. Your son is so adorable.

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  27. Your son is super cute! No need to worry about baby #2 :) it's so much fun with two!

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  28. Oh Fiona, I can completely relate to this post. We have another little one due in three months (June) and our little lady is a similar age to Tyler as she will be three by the time baby is born. I have had exactly the same types of thoughts and anxieties run through my mind for the last few months, and whilst I know that it will be absolutely amazing and wonderful to have a new little one and expand our family, I cant help but feel guilty about the fact that my little lady might feel like shes lost a bit of us to the new baby and that shes only had three years of our attention to herself. I wrote a post about my feelings on it a few months ago, and whilst those feelings are still in the back of my mind, I know that like you guys, we'll figure it out :-) Thanks for linking up to #MarvMondays for the first time, lovely to have you join! Emily

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Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I appreciate all your comments and try to reply whenever I can.

Peace & love,
Fiona
xo

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