Lately my mind hasn't been focused on the things that it should be and I've found myself getting caught up with superficial things - like comparing how well I'm doing to how well others are doing (my biggest weakness and the thing I hate most about myself), worrying about opportunities and trying to keep my stats up where I expect them to be, all things of a virtual nature, things that shouldn't be keeping me up at night, but sadly, they were.
This little blog of mine was taking over my life and becoming something I didn't want it to be at all - a nuisance and drain on my well-being, rather than a positive outlet for me to express my creativity, air my thoughts and to document mine and my family's life together. I had to put the breaks on and think to myself - "what the hell am I doing?"
I took some time over the weekend to focus on what I want to do with my life, how I want to express myself, what I want to share, how I want to portray myself to the world and I vowed to be grateful for every single good thing that came my way. I took a step back, didn't turn on the laptop and realised that there's more to life than just blogging about it, instead I chose to get out there and live it and you know what, I already feel one hundred times better than I did last week.
I've taken the time to play with my son, catch up with friends, get out in the fresh air, enjoy the sunshine and spend some time with my mother. Last night I even found myself reading a magazine from front to back cover without touching my phone (this is unheard of for me as I constantly have it in my hand!) and a simple thing like this made me happy, I began to finally feel like I'm not a slave to my blogger status or my online life.
Just because I blog doesn't mean that I need to be online twenty-four seven. I don't need to chase opportunities or promote my posts to death just to get noticed. I just want to be real. I want to share things that I find worthy on this blog and I now know that I don't have to post on a daily basis (unless I want to of course), quality over quantity and all that jazz. I need to start living in reality and doing things that make me happy again.
I'm going to become a mother again in May (if all goes to plan and baby stays in there that long of course!) and I need to get into the right mindset and be prepared. I don't want to suffer with horrific and dehumanising post-natal depression like I did after I had my son. It destroyed me as a person and I don't want to return to that dark and lonely place. This is why happiness and living life how I actually want to, need to take priority over everything else.
Everyone should be allowed to live a life they want and I'm finally taking the time and the right steps forward to make sure that I'm doing that for myself and my family.