Tuesday, June 02, 2015

Attached To My Toddler ♥

  It's half nine at night, I initially put my toddler to bed at seven, a reasonable bedtime for a two year old I think, yet the minute his Daddy arrives home from work he lets out a cry, a cry of fakery and relief I'm sure, he always knows Daddy will give in and let him stay up watching films - when it comes to bedtime I am by far the more stern parent... for everything else though, well, that little curly haired two year old has me under his tiny thumb.

Ever since he was born we have spent everyday together. Not only has this tiny miracle become my son but he has also become my companion and my best friend. Now, my mother always says that you can't be friends with your children, I wholeheartedly disagree. Why can I not be friends with my son? There are times when he drives me doolally, I'm sure I do the same to him... we have our slight disagreements, we shed tears over each other but we also have the best fun together, lots of laughs and giggles, we know each other inside out, it's amazing really considering he can't even talk much yet but this little boy has become my best friend - is it sad to have you child as your best friend? I don't think so, plus, his Daddy is my second best friend, we're a family of best friends and I couldn't imagine anything lovelier than that.

Now please don't get me wrong, our life is not all sweetness and light, we have our problems, our difficulties along the way as my boy becomes more and more independent and testing - the trouble with two after all, but at the end of it all who does he come back to - me, his mummy, as he calls me. We are always there for each other and this is why I see us not only as mother and son but as best friends too.

It's safe to say my toddler is very attached to me at times, he'd live on my lap if he could and God forbid I try to do any bit of blogging work around him because he'll demand my attention straight away. I'm not the type of mother who enjoys playing with toys, I've tried and tried and even pretend to like it at times but I just can't, I don't know why because I was always into imaginative play as a child, maybe it's something I have to relearn over again. I know this disappoints him and I wish I didn't have that effect on him.

It's only when I lie in bed with him at night (yes, he's begun to share my bed now, he wakes up every morning and half four crying for us so it's easier just to bring him in sometimes, no it doesn't bother me...) and I see how happy he is when we lie there together, me singing Rockabye Baby and See-saw Marjory Daw, him looking at me with those big blue eyes, such innocence and wonder that I realise how attached to him that I am too. What was my life before I had my beautiful boy? How unfulfilled my life was without this little being, this boy who now means everything to me. I am just as attached to him as he is to me and I'm not ashamed to admit that.

I shed a tear tonight whilst looking at him lining up his comforters and In the Night Garden dolls on my pillow, seeing how grown up he's become and realising how fast our time as gone together. I recalled the day we got him that monkey comforter and told him the story, he just laughed at me like I was the silliest mummy in the world, I most probably am, but that boy has me, hook, line and sinker. I need my son as much as he needs me and my biggest fear is us ever being parted, so awful because I know one day it'll have to happen, it's the only certain we have in life and it terrifies me.

Let me borrow from the words of W.H. Auden here to explain just how I feel, this poem immediately came into my head when I shed those tears tonight, half of joy from realising just how lucky I am to have him, half of saddness in knowing that so much time with him has already rushed by far too quickly -

He is my North, my South, my East and West,
My working week and my Sunday rest,
My noon, my midnight, my talk, my song;
Our only saddness is knowing so much time has already gone.
I'm attached to my toddler and boy does he know it, but you know what? I wouldn't have it any other way. Why be a mother if you can't be consumed with love, guilt, joy, worry and all other sorts of amalgamations of emotions over your children and cherish them every single day of their lives?



  1. This is an amazing post. I can completely and 500% relate to every word you spoke. Our son Jonah (also 2) sleeps with us every night too. And I cry at the thought of how big he has gotten in just 2 years. <3

  2. My heart just melted reading this post. I have to admit that I was like this with my oldest son, but once his brother came along he had a new play mate and someone to share mommy with. There is absolutely nothing like a relationship between a mother and son--it is truly priceless.


  3. Fiona, what a beautiful post. I can understand your feelings. I also have a toddler, and that little girl is the center of my universe for now. Never did I completely understand how it would feel to be a mother, until I gave birth to my daughter. Though we have our ups and downs, we always know that we can rely on each other.

  4. It's good that you have the time to spend the day with your toddler. Many working moms don't have that luxury. Being attached to him makes you treasure him more as your own. He's a gift from heaven.

  5. Such a great and honest post! I completely have to agree, why be a mother if we cannot go through all the emotions which entail being a mother whether it's happiness or frustration! My girls are 5 and 3 which are absolutely the light of my world. Even though they might drive me a little nuts sometimes ;)

  6. You're so right. I'm with my boys around the clock and sometimes it too drives me doolally [I use that word a lot too!] but without them I;m lost and I get panicky when I really they are growing so fast. Our boys are pretty good at stealing our hearts!

  7. What a beautiful post - I know your son will love reading these sweet words one day. I am extremely close to my son as well. He is literally my heart and soul and the reason I take breath every single day. I am so glad you have your son and can enjoy each and every minute with him.

  8. My toddler is going to bed later and later lately. He won't go to bed until after sunset which is about 8pm here, and he also will stay up to watch movies with us. I can't believe he won't sleep a normal schedule. He also sleeps in each morning. I'm trying to work on that. Thanks for sharing your story :)

  9. A true sediment of a mother's love! I am not a mother but reading stuff like this always inspires me for my future. I love the poem you made with it too this was beautiful!


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