Wednesday, November 12, 2014

Remembering What's Important ♥

Like the only picture of the three of us in FOREVER, this needs to change, pronto.
 Lately I've been having a hard time, I'm not going to lie it's been absolutely awful. I feel selfish for even writing this as I've known so many people this year who've lost loved ones and had their lives completely torn apart by grief but when you think of your own problems they always seem so catastrophic don't they? I'm sure every person feels like there's no end in sight when it comes to their own problems and a bought of selfishness creeps in where you can do nothing but fixate on all that is wrong, at that point you can't even spare a thought for others even though your problems may appear menial compared to theirs. Things can be tough especially when you don't open up to anyone or have anyone to say "don't worry, it'll all be fine". I feel so stressed everyday and a lot of the time I let things get on top of me, things which usually won't bother other people but when you're pushed to breaking point even the littlest of things can seem like mountains ahead. This feeling of stress has now crept into my sleeping time where I lie awake worrying and wake up multiple times during the night for no reason and then can't get back to sleep again due to the worrying... it's a catch 22 situation and a never ending roundabout of anxiety.

2014 has been a terrible year for me, I feel like 2013 was the best year of my life welcoming my little angel to the world and getting what I always really wanted in life, a proper family - father, mother and baby. This year has seen major changes in my family, not my two boys and I but with my relations and I feel so caught in the middle. I wonder how other people can have such perfect lives and families, the same perfect families I was so jealous of as a child because I had a broken family, but then again you never know what goes on behind closed doors do you? I've tried to be a peacekeeper, a middle man, a neutral side but it's so hard to keep everyone happy. I can't see any resolution in the near future but all I hope is that one day everyone will be able to get along, it's so hard to come to terms with the fact that you're losing your family, all that you've ever known and you can't change it at all. I've also had some major financial problems this year and debt, most of which I've now managed to pay off but lying awake at night not being able to sleep because of money worries is the worst feeling in the world. I worry about what pressure I'm putting on my boys and I, especially Jacek and I feel like such a burden at times. If only money really did grow on trees... I've also had some health issues this year and am on medication which makes me feel like a sleep deprived zombie, longing for my bed the minute I get out of it and having no energy for anything. This probably irritates me the most out of everything as I feel like such a useless mother being to tired to go for walks with my boy or go on any adventures like we used to. 

All of these things which make me feel so depressed, hopeless and worried get pushed aside when I spend time with Jacek and our son. I've learned this year that I need to find time and reflect on what's important - my own family. Nothing else compares when it comes to them and as long as we have each other that's all that should matter. We've already begun making plans for 2015 and it's already shaping up to be a better year than disappointing and depressing 2014. 2015 is our year for living life to the fullest and I really can't wait for January 1st to appear. The love of my own little family is what has gotten me through the dark days and it's a cliche but I really would be lost without them. Jacek is my rock, my support and my best friend (so rose-mantic I know!) and Tyler Lee is my dawn in the darkest of days, that boy brings me so much joy, he really is my angel. Ultimately nothing else matters - not other people, not the materialistic things, not the money, the debt, the health issues or the feelings of being let down and hopelessness, as long as I have my boys and their love in my life I have all I really need. It's better to be poor in everything else but rich in the love of your family for you can have everything in the world but could anything else ever compare to the love of a significant other and/or your own child, for me the answer is no.
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35 comments

  1. I understand you!Had the same symptoms and got over with the help of my husband and my doctor.Today I enjoy my life again!Be strong my sweetie!

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  2. Family is everything. Take the time to enjoy them and spend quality time with them :)

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  3. It definitely helps to be surround with loving and positive people and things. I hope 2015 will be a fantastic year for you!

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  4. Family really is everything. Spending time with family is the most important thing.

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  5. Great post. I'm a big fan of counting blessings, and I usually remember to do that when I look at my niece and nephew.

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  6. I do everything for my family.. That is the single most important thing in my life.

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  7. I'm sorry you've had such a miserable year; but your priorities are exactly where they need to be, and everything else will fall into place. You don't have to wait for January 1st to let yourself be happy - it's only a number, after all. :)

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  8. I hope 2015 is a better year for you. I know as long as I have my husband and my son by my side in the end everything will be okay.

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  9. My family motivate and inspire me to succeed. I hope you feel better soon. Sending you some hugs.

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  10. Sending love and hugs....I hope 2015 is a better year for you x

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  11. I hope it helped to get it all out on paper. You have a gorgeous family and your little boy is a dote! 2014 is almost over and I am sorry it was such a hard year for you. Perhaps in time you might be able to look back at it and how it didn't win - in that you are stronger as a result of it. It's good that 2015 is looking brighter already. Much love. xx

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  12. I really hope that 2015 is a better year for you. I know a lot of people have been struggling this year.

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  13. Family is always number one!! Keep your chin up ;-)

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  14. This is such a sweet post <3 Feel better soon

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  15. I am sorry that you had a bad year. And I know it can feel selfish to feel that way, but we feel how we feel. Your problems are real, no matter how big or small. But this year will be over soon and I hope you have a fabulous 2015.

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  16. Family is really important so we should make time for them. Life's somehow an unending cycle of problems but it's what keeps us strong.

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  17. Don't feel discouraged, everyone goes through ups and downs. Hope your 2014 ends on a higher note!

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  18. Hopefully 2015 will be better for you. It's been a tough year for me in many ways too but I have faith that everything will work out and we'll get through it.

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  19. Hang in there. Bad times, too, pass. Hope everything falls in place for you and 2015 is an amazing year!

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  20. You're spot on. Nothing compares to the love of a child. Sending you lots of love and good thoughts.

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  21. I can understand how you feel. Family trumps any and everything. I really hope you have a better year next year. =)

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  22. The good thing about life is it keeps going. Keep positive.

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  23. Family's most important above all. Just keep praying.

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  24. I am sorry you have had a though year. I hope that 2015 is the best year for you ever!

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  25. NOBODY has a perfect family doll. We all have our own issues, and a lot of us do come from broken homes too! I know the feeling. I've actually never bonded with my mom nor do we speak and my dad passed when I was very little. I'm an only child with dysfunctional and addicted relatives. So, I wish them well but I keep my distance. Both my husband and I are only children, unstable moms, and dads who died when we were little. But, we are strong, and we compensate by giving our kids all of that super love! Just try to keep that in mind when you have your down days. You aren't alone. We tend to value the time of others more than our own. I've learned to be my own friend. I don't have many, but I'm okay with that now ^_^ Gratitude can be difficult at times, but it does help change our paradigm.

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  26. Surrounding yourself with positive upbeat folks is a good way to live, also to lend a hand to those that may need your help.

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  27. It can be herd to be the mediator when family is having trouble. It can be important to take a step back.

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  28. Things will get better. Stay strong and focus on your family.

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  29. Family is very important. I wish the best for you in 2015.

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  30. Hugs and prayers to a better year heading your way :)

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  31. Thanks so much for sharing. So happy that you are on the up and that you are focusing on what is most important to you and your family.

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  32. I grew up thinking that everyone else had perfect families as well but I realized as I got older what you just said "you never know what goes on behind closed doors". It's hard when you're in the midst of the storm but once things settle take a look back at the lessons you've learned while in the storm because honestly that's the point of it all -the lessons. You can't be everything to everyone and you have the right frame of mind you just have to give yourself a break and let go of the things you can't change.

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  33. 2014 has been the worst year for me as well, I lost my Father in Jan. We all have bad times.

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  34. Thank you fr sharing this post with us, I really hope that nextyear will be a wonderful year and I wish you al the best.
    Personnally from 2011 to 2014 I ve got so many health problems,(2 angels died :one in 2011 and 2012)then I had to go several times to hospital because of the fibroms I had...
    if ihadn t my family , I don t knowif I coud still be here.
    The life goes on...but it s har to forget, I just have to live with it.
    Sorry for my english, I think in french,so ..

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Fiona
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