|A boy in a rainbow onesie baby yoga-ing next to a rainbow room sign?! Bad mother alert!|
For the past few weeks now I've become increasingly aware that some people have a problem with how I raise my son so I've decided to address their opinions and worries because I've stayed silent long enough on the issue. I've encountered little
gems ignorance's from a lot of people over the past few months and it has actually blown my mind that people actually think this way. Let me share some of these delights of humanity with you.
On the topic of me getting my son a kitchen and all the accessories to go with it for Christmas - "Cooking! Are you trying to make him queer?" I'm beginning with this statement as I was actually astounded by the fact that 1. people in the 21st century still think cooking is just for girls, 2. that the word 'queer' was used and 3. that my son playing with a toy would make him gay. Let me address these points, 1. I believe everyone needs to know how to cook. I want to teach my son vital life skills from a young age. Why on Earth would I want him to rely on a woman just to get a decent meal everyday? Also, most of the worlds best bakers and chefs are men and they are some of the 'manliest' men I know, namely Gordon Ramsay and Paul Hollywood, cooking and baking is most definitely not just for girls. 2. I don't think ANYONE should use the word 'queer' to refer to a gay person, there is nothing queer about it, it's simply a sexual preference. 3. If my son playing pretend kitchen games is going to make him gay then so be it, he enjoys role playing things he sees adults doing around him, loves pretending to make his dinner on his toy kitchen and if he does happen to be gay then that's alright with me, I'll love him just as much as I do now.
On the topic of his hair - "Look at the state of his hair! When are you going to get it cut?" I'm so sorry my 19 month old sons hair offends you and that it doesn't look perfect everyday. He has naturally curly hair, he's going to wake up with a bed head and the child moves faster than Sonic the Hedgehog so it's not always possible to spray conditioning spray into it to get the perfect curls everyone so desires. Life isn't perfect, just so you know like. Also he is my child, if I want his hair to be long enough to put in a ponytail and cut it off in some sort of weird hair release ceremony at the end of it all then that's my business! (FYI I am most certainly not planning this but we're not cutting it until he's three, unless it needs a cut before this).
|If you think this will my make my son gay then you're a moron, it makes him a caring human being.|
On the topic of him getting a buggy for his baby doll (who is a boy doll, just so you know) - "I don't want him growing up to be gay". I seriously cannot get over the stupidity in statements like this and what bothers me most is that they are coming from the people I like most in the world. Getting a buggy for my son will not make him gay. My son loves putting his cuddly toys on top of his walker toys and taking them for a walk, just like his father and I do with him. He also gives them his comforters to make them feel loved, this does not scare me, in fact, I think it's the sweetest thing in the world. I wanted to get him a buggy to enhance the whole role-playing experience for him, I guarantee you that this will not have a negative effect on him, if anything it will prepare him for being a big brother or a father one day, roles in life which I think he'll be amazing at due to his affectionate nature.
|Don't be jealous just because you're not as fashionable as my kid is.|
Statements on the clothes I dress him in - "Rainbows?! They're for girls!", "Leggings?! They're for girls!", "Is he a boy or a girl?". I didn't know until I had a child that some elements of this world were only for females, it was never pointed out in my education. I thought they were a free for all. Leggings are comfy for my very active toddler who has the waist of a super model, jeans are too big for him and fall down inhibiting his crawling, running, sprinting, rolling... leggings stay up and come in the funkiest prints I have ever seen. Dressing him in these things isn't going to scar him for life, he won't even remember what he wore. Tyler Lee is most definitely a boy, thanks for asking.
On choosing toys for Christmas - "Why don't you get him some boys toys, like a farm or some cars?" My son has an abundance of farmyard toys and cars, he's not particularly interested in them at the moment, he's 19 months old and likes to copy what adults are doing around him. Toys are just toys, they should not come with a gender label, my son can play with whatever he wants. I've addressed this issue before in my 'Gender Stereotypes' post which was written way back when my son was eleven months old, as you can see this is an ongoing issue. The dividing of things into girl and boys is decided by adults not children. Leave children alone, let them discover and play the way they want.
|More rainbows?! Surely not. Does this look like the face of a child who cares about such trivial things in life? No.|
On my parenting style - "You're a hippy mother", "You can't be friends with your children". Yes, yes I am a hippy, a hippy and proud. I've never hid this from anyone, sorry that you're only discovering this now, I would have thought the multi-coloured hair and general whimsy that I have would have given it away sooner. I don't believe in slapping my child, I don't believe in shouting at him all the time, I let him do what he wants more than I probably should and I have no problem with letting him get dirty and discovering the world, that's just how I am. I would rather be friends with my child than be a mother he was too afraid to come to if he ever had a problem. I tell my child I love him ten thousand times a day because I never want him to find it awkward to hear me say I love him or for him to say it to me. If this offends you then you really do need help, or a hug.
I am sick to death of adults making assumptions about how my son will be due to how I'm raising him. My son doesn't care if something is pink or blue (at least not at this age anyway), he doesn't even know what pink or blue are. These ideals in life are all instilled into children by adults and I'm sorry but I don't conform to them, I go against the grain and am not a sheep. I believe that my child should experience every aspect of the world whether it be playing with dolls, playing pretend, wearing rainbows... if he likes it or wants to do these things then what's the problem. By dressing him gender neutrally, letting toys just be toys and from being an open, loving mother I am teaching him from the start of his life that he can be whatever he wants to be in life and shouldn't shy away from what he desires just to conform to society. I would rather he was a real person and living his life the way he wants to rather than being fake and unhappy. I'm so sorry that that offends people, I'm not sorry for pointing out the fact that they need to get a life and not concern themselves with my son or our business. What makes me even more mad is the fact that I began to doubt myself as a mother, wondering was I doing something wrong and hindering my son in any way. Having contemplated this for a few days I realise I'm not the one at fault, it's the people who have been making these narrow-minded comments. Ultimately, there is only one person who is responsible for my son and that is me, his mother. I am the only one who carried him for forty weeks, laboured for thirty-one hours and then gave birth to him, have been with him everyday since he was born and who knows every single thing about him. I want him to have a CHILDhood, not worry about what adults think he should be like based on his gender.
Do not comment on how I raise my son, I didn't ask your opinion in the first place. Do not make idiotic remarks about how he could turn out based on how I'm raising him, they are the dumbest things I have ever heard.