Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Having A Baby Isn't What I Imagined... ♥

Before I had my son I had a very idealistic view of babies and what my child would most probably be like. When I thought of babies I thought of classical looking Moses baskets, beautiful crisp white baby linens, little comforters, clean little baby clothes, lots of snuggles and nothing but the adorableness that a newborn baby brings, very Pinterest-esque I'm sure you'll agree! However, when my son was born and as he grew I quickly learned that my prior view on babies was about as far from the truth as you could get. My son was a bundle of pure adorableness for me but everything else didn't live up to my dreamy expectations. My son suffered from reflux, something I hadn't even thought of before he was born and this meant that everything he wore, slept in, played in and cuddled up to got covered in a revolting smelling milky sick. My washing machine was on constantly and I would dress him in the morning only having to change them five minutes later after he had thrown up on everything - no more ideals of clean baby clothes and crisp white linens! My poor boy had to sleep with a soft towel under his head for the first few months of his life, he was never without that towel, it went with him everywhere - pram, play mat, cot, baby swing, I guess you could say this was his first best friend!

Spot the towel.
 I always say that it took about five weeks for my boy to warm to me, something I truly believe and something I wasn't prepared for, I just thought that mothers were always a source of comfort for their babies, that babies gained comfort from hearing their mother's heartbeat but this didn't seem the case with Tyler Lee. My post natal depression may have contributed to me feeling like this but he didn't seem to like to be touched and every time I put my hand near his he would quickly move it away. I didn't feel that closeness from him until he grew older and that's something which makes me quite sad. I put it down to the lack of skin to skin contact after he was born and it's something which really does sadden me and fills me with regret but the situation was out of my hands at the time. Luckily he's his mammy's boy now and can't get enough of kisses and cuddles, something which I am so grateful for and am absolutely besotted by.

The comforter he never warmed to.
As for comforters and cuddly toys, my boy had no love for them when he was born. He didn't snuggle up to them and even as the months went by he didn't have an attachment to any of them until he was about eight months old. This was the complete opposite of my idea of babies always having a special cuddly friend or blanket which they always had to be with, my little one was really changing all my views about babies and what they were really like. It's as if my boy sought out to show me what babies were really like and to be honest we've had lots of funny moments along the way. I can't even tell you the amount of times he's peed on my bed as I was changing his nappy, something which hadn't even crossed my mind before having him! He's been independent from the get go and I feel like we never had that really 'baby baby stage' with him. He's been teaching me lessons since he arrived in my arms and changing how I think about things one step at a time. We don't call him 'the little philosopher' for nothing!

Thank you for sleeping all night!
Looking back now I was really naive when it came to thinking what my baby would be like. I think the element I was missing is that all babies have their own personalities even though they may have similar 'baby' traits such as sleeping a lot, those first smiles, being so tiny, etc. Having my son was a real wake up call for me that life isn't idealistic and even the most precious person in your life might not be exactly what you expected but you know what, my experiences with him have still been an absolute dream even though they weren't what I had first imagined. With all the little things that trashed my ideals of little babies my son taught me some other golden wonders about life with a baby which I hadn't even contemplated before. I thought that all babies didn't sleep throughout the night until they were older but my little angel blessed me by sleeping throughout the night since he was six weeks old - a very pleasant surprise indeed. He taught me how to be patient, dealing with a screaming baby can be hard going and we've had weeks go by in his earlier months when all he did was cry and all I did was cry, it was a horrible time in our journey together but we got through it. He's also taught me that those clean baby clothes which I had been so particular about were meant to be worn and get destroyed in stains, yes, even that beautiful quilted Emile et Rose coat which was too stunning to get ruined, right now it's now covered in biscotti and awaiting a wash... What fun would a childhood be with pristine clothes, unplayed toys and a clean house? No fun at all.

My beautiful boy completely turned my thoughts on babies upside down. Yes all the baby things are extremely cute and beautiful but they are not the be all and end all. Babies are not just little precious bundles to be cooed over and brought up in a prim and proper style manner, they are little people with big personalities that need to be learned, cherished and loved through all the magic and mishaps, bodily fluids, snotty noses, screaming fits, tears, tantrums, cuddles and giggles. It's not perfect but it's just right.

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17 comments

  1. Aw, so sorry you went through such a tough time at the start of your amazing journey with your little fellah. We're conditioned to think that motherhood is the most natural thing for women and that we'll all take to it like ducks to water but it's such a tremendous life change that of course it doesn't always run smoothly. And you're so right when you say that it wouldnt be worth it if every item of baby's was clean and pristine -life doesnt go like that-no mess no fun!

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    1. Thanks Aedin, it was a very hard time but we got through thank God. How true is that no mess no fun :)

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  2. Great post I'll really try to keep this in mind as we're so excited about our baby coming in June but of course it's going to be a huge learning curve!

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    1. Thank you Yav. It is a big learning curve in life but will be the best moment you'll ever have and the most joyous experiences you'll ever go through.

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  3. Honestly Fiona, sometimes I think you are in my head, you always seem to say the same things I'm thinking / feeling! I kind of had the same ideals as you pre baby but they certainly do give you the wake up call for a reality check. I've only just recently given in to the "more mess more fun" way of thinking, sure isn't that what the hoover and washing machine is for? All can be cleaned up again once they are in the land of nod. You are doing a great job with Tyler Lee and you can guys can weather any hard times together as a team xo

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  4. They really throw us a curve ball, don't they? I have two boys and one on the way in June and they have both bought joy and challenges, and I'm sure this one will be the same. Being a Momma is a hard job indeed...but it's the best job.

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  5. aw no, It will take time. I think we all think to will be sunshine and daisies at the start xx

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  6. Great post Fiona. Looking at your lovely posts with photos of Tyler Lee, shows us all what we love about babies and being a mother, but as you so perfectly point out, behind the camera there is an awful lot we do not see.
    I am so sorry you had a difficult start to your mothering. However if it's any consolation my third child did not find any real comfort in cuddles or touch for some time. In fact it took a year for her to even enjoy life! I found it so difficult to adjust to after having two children who were happy to be held and snuggled for hours. However she has grown up to be a joy and a warm loving individual. That light at the end of the tunnel does eventually come your way, if you can hang in there, and never expect too much of your self, your partner or your little one. xxx

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  7. I can very much relate, after not such a great birth experience it took me a while to bond with Alfie, I didn't get that rush of love like many people say they do which made me feel awful! Parenthood is nothing like I expected, as much as it is rewarding it's hard bloody work!! Great post Fiona XX

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  8. lovely post i know what you mean i had such perfect ideas for my births with my girls and neither lived up to that but dispite all the ups and downs and the bumps in the carefully laid out plans i wouldnt change it for the world!

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  9. I think the first 6 weeks is the hardest and nothing can prepare you for it at all. I felt very similar. Here's a post I wrote http://thelondonmum.me/2014/02/03/6-weeks-post-partum-the-honest-truth-of-how-i-am-emotionally/ back then xx

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  10. It's such a hard yet rewarding job. I was lucky on the sick front.. Rio has only been sick a few times in his life and hardly ever as a baby..im convinced karma will get me this time around. What a great post!! I think more people need to be aware it's not like a magazine cover..newborns are hard work xx

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  11. Great post, it's such a shock when everything you thought you knew goes out the window, even having my second I thought I knew it all but she was different again, and I'm still learning every day..

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  12. Oh my goodness, ditto on pretty much everything you have written! Thank you for sharing, feels strange looking back on those days now that my big boy is almost 4, but i think it's important to remember... lots of love xx

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  13. Niamh Hopkins7 May 2014 at 22:05

    Wow Fiona I would never have guessed.. Your blog makes me think idealistically about having a baby, Tyler lee is so cute and you guys have such a lovely time together it makes me broody for the first time.. Thanks for sharing this post on the difficulties too, honest posts like this are great!! Hope you feeling better now and good luck with herbal life xx

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  14. This is such a cute post!! It feels I am reading about my daughter at some points :) First three months she was crying 24/7, had reflux and horrible colic.. She is one year now and 4 months and she is energetic bomb, very loud and emotional. However very smart. It's funny how she finds her soft toys comforting now (she never did it as a baby!), kissing them, feeding, giving cuddles..
    The only difference - i was ready for that! Me and my husband were that kind of babies, so I knew my daughter will be demanding and challenging baby to raise. She had her personality straight away and very strong opinion.
    But I know one thing - parenting of demanding children is most rewarding as well :)

    Take care and best wishes! xx

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Thank you for reading my blog and taking the time to comment. I appreciate all your comments and try to reply whenever I can.

Peace & love,
Fiona
xo

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